What I can help with
Therapy for your inner emotional world
What’s wrong?
It’s so much easier to ask that question than to answer it. Maybe you can’t put a name to what you’re feeling, and that’s part of the reason why you’re here. Or do you feel your suffering definitely has a name, like stress, worry, anxiety, depression, or even despair?
You may be thinking, “I can get out of bed, wash myself, go to work. My problems aren’t serious enough to need therapy.” Yet there’s a nagging suspicion that life could and should be better, and you don’t want to feel like this forever.
Perhaps low self-esteem or self-doubt is holding you back, and you want to work out why so that you can start to move forward. Perhaps you’re worried about your health or about ageing. Or maybe you’re not feeling anything at all, and that’s the problem.
Finding out what’s wrong is where we can start our work together.
Read more about therapy for your inner emotional world
Or maybe your need is more urgent, and you’re desperate to voice the thoughts you can’t tell anyone else. We will find ways to help you cope with overwhelming feelings, no matter how compelling they are. If, sometimes, you catch yourself thinking about death or suicide, toying with the idea that you don’t want to live any more, I’ll be calm and curious to know more about these thoughts and what prompts them. Together, we’ll find a way out of the trap you’re in and towards more frequent encounters with ease and hope.
Sometimes our inner conflicts and stresses show up in ways that are hard to understand, like binge eating, emotional overeating, and other eating problems. Are you stumped as to why you behave in certain ways, even when you don’t want to or know that you shouldn’t? Perhaps you feel you can’t stop these urges – and that is making you feel bad about yourself. We can explore why the craving or compulsion seems to take control and work together to put guilt and shame behind you.
Difficult relationships: family and partners, friends and colleagues
In many ways, it is the relationships we have with others – as well as the ones we don’t – that make us what we are. You might have heard of attachment theory, which suggests that the way our parents or carers looked after us as babies and children established patterns of feeling and behaving that stay with us for the rest of our lives. Indeed, before you could even speak, you were learning what to expect from others and how to relate to them.
Read more about difficult relationships
You may feel that you didn’t get the care that a child deserves. Perhaps you were separated from part of your family because of a divorce or other family breakdown. Perhaps you were adopted and have lingering questions about what that means for you. Maybe you were sent away to boarding school. For some people, childhood is dominated by abandonment rather than attachment. Working with me, you can start to understand how what happened back then influences the person you are now. I can help you find the confidence, calm, and trust in others that will allow you to thrive.
Despite the certainty and ubiquity of death, it is another complicated part of life. It’s normal to grieve when someone close to you dies, but some deaths are harder to come to terms with than others. Upsetting memories of the final days may keep coming back to you. Maybe you feel anger or guilt towards the person who’s gone, or the bereavement has stirred up family tensions, or you’re not sure what meaning your life has now that they’re gone. Sudden death can be particularly hard to come to terms with. Perhaps the pain of loss feels too great to bear, or you’re struggling with a sense of isolation. I can help you work through the loss you’ve experienced, so that you can come to terms with the memories and other legacies that you’re left with.
Family conflicts have been the stuff of drama since ancient times, yet many of us still assume families will be close and supportive, and offer unconditional love. If yours doesn’t feel that way, it’s easy to think that you are to blame. Maybe you feel that you are the odd one out, that you don’t belong. Perhaps some of your relatives are making you feel that way, or are refusing to hear you, or are denying you the role that is your due. Or is it that you simply don’t love them the way you think you should?
Beyond the family, are you someone who avoids spending time in groups? For some of us, being with other people is such hard work that we shy away from social events – yet we may not want to be loners, either. Maybe you worry that you’re boring or can’t keep up with your more confident, quick-witted peers. Whatever the roots of your social anxiety, together we can understand and tame those fears. You can start to accept who you are and feel calm in the company of others.
The push and pull of relationships causes trouble for everyone at different times in life. You might want to be more assertive or more confident in setting and maintaining boundaries. Perhaps you’ve avoided conflict by people-pleasing, only to find yourself putting your own needs on the back burner and hiding the real you. This can end up creating resentment that can hurt both you and them. It can be hard to acknowledge uncomfortable feelings like jealousy, resentment, and rivalry. But if you feel that other people have got what you want – or what is rightfully yours – it can create unbearable bitterness. Regret and remorse, on the other hand, can be hard too. Apologising, harder still. What if a person you’ve wronged refuses your apology – or is no longer around to hear it? I am experienced in helping my clients leave those toxic feelings behind so that they can enjoy more harmonious relationships.
If you have been abused or bullied, the difficulty can often be in accepting that you are not to blame. When someone is out to hurt you and you can’t defend yourself, it can leave you feeling vulnerable, weak, and afraid. It may lead to debilitating self-doubt. A social group can turn one member into their scapegoat, the butt of every joke. Maybe you can’t see a solution or a way out. Working with me, you can find the strength to stand up to the bully, the confidence to advocate for yourself effectively, and new ways of dealing with the situation – including how to get out of it.
Rejection can also do great harm to our self-esteem and confidence. However you rationalise it, it can often feel like a verdict on your worth as a person. Working with me, you can explore what has happened and why it’s hurt you so much – and how you can avoid feeling similar pain in the future.
Are all your friends coupled up? Have you lost hope in dating apps ? Or maybe a string of relationships haven’t worked out. Together, we will explore the complex web of feelings you may have about this, untangling your thoughts so that you can take a fresh look at what you want to get from a partner, what you want to give to them, and what you want to create in a loving relationship.
When love breaks down, separation or divorce can be a loss so great it can feel like a bereavement, but without the ritual and recognition from family and friends. You might be coping with rejection, anger, lies, betrayal, or guilt while trying to shield confused children from the depths of your hurt. You might be arguing over money while coming to terms with losing your home, your friends, or your pet. I can help you not only to manage but to tolerate your extreme emotions. Working with me, you will learn how to recognise what the process is teaching you for the future, and how to find a way through the minefield with confidence and hope.
Sometimes life sets you a challenge you weren’t expecting. Whether you have a sick partner, a child with a disability, or an elderly parent requiring round-the-clock support, the stress of caring can be enormous. So, too, can the guilt when you worry you’re not doing enough, or perhaps you sometimes resent what you are doing and are unable to digest the distress of seeing the other person suffer. It is common for carers to experience difficult and upsetting feelings about the person they are caring for. These can be very hard to tell others about. You might well be desperate to unload, and to share your experience with someone who won’t judge you, but will listen with kindness. That’s my job. I can help you settle your emotions and work out ways to better balance your own needs with those of others.
Frustrations and stress at work
Many of the difficulties people face in their emotional lives or relationships are just as real and painful at work as they are outside it. Work takes up so much of our time and energy, but for many of us it’s also essential to our identity and sense of purpose.
Read more about frustrations and stress at work
Maybe you’re stressed out, overwhelmed, worried about burnout. Have you had a career break and are anxious about going back? Perhaps you’ve been awarded a promotion and a salary increase, but your job satisfaction has gone down. Maybe you’ve reached a leadership position you wanted for a long time but you’re finding it emotionally tougher than you’d expected. Whatever your level in the workplace, I can help you to find out how your professional role can sit more comfortably on the shoulders of the person you are.
Do you feel that you can and should be doing better in your career, whether it’s a profession or a passion? Perhaps you are uneasy about reaching for the status or responsibility you want. Or maybe you’ve got it, but imposter syndrome won’t leave you be. There are all sorts of reasons our insecurities can be sparked, no matter our background. Sometimes real discrimination – be it sexism, racism, classism, or ageism – is the major cause for this. But sometimes it’s our self-image that’s the problem. Through therapy, we can work out what’s happening so that you can take more control of your life at work.
More fundamentally, perhaps you have started to wonder what is the point of it all? This isn’t just a philosophical question: having a sense of purpose and meaning is vital for a fulfilled, contented life. Feeling unsure about what to do with your time on Earth and where to focus your energy can leave you pedalling along in first gear with no clear direction – merely surviving rather than fully living. Together we will find the sparks of enthusiasm and joy that can ignite your individual North Star.
Or perhaps you had the best job you could imagine, and now for some reason you can’t do it any more. The end of a career, a redundancy, the renunciation of an ambition, or the failure of your health, can amount to a deep loss. It can be very hard to find anything that matters as much as the work you had to let go. Together, we can find out what is important for you now – and the place of passion, obsession, and success in your life to come.
Last but certainly not least, I have a particular interest in working with artists and writers who are dogged by self-doubt, writers’ block, and the tension between creative fulfilment and the demands of the market.